The Reality We Choose

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There is the reality we choose to create,
and there is the world that lies inside,
of different kinds, in different sides of my mind.
If only I could find that one,
the one that is for this world,
and concoct recipes for golden lights,
to make it happen.

I will hold on,
If not, I will spin multiple turns,
and stop right at your window,
and never let go.

This reality, this dream,
don’t leave my hand,
hold on tight, hold on strong,
we shall fly over passing clouds,
of ups and turns, of mist and rains,
towards that golden light,
that moment of my dream birthing into reality.
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Unreasonable love

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How can I express my frustrations of being in love with a man,
who kisses my forehead in deep sleep and hugs me closer to protect me.
How can I live with a man I constantly fight to convince the 
existence of a horizon for us, 
not because we should, but, because he is in love as much as I am.
And yet he doesn't see the horizon together,
Why shouldn't I decide to run away when he fails to share in words,
the things he tells me through his eyes, embraces, kises and hugs.
And yet he doesn't let me run away!
So unreasonable, fighting your notions is.
Things you thought are right, but, don’t make sense anymore.

A wait for the accepting calm…

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Oh! drops of tears, like the drops from a rowing blade,
go away with the flowing water and the pain.
I hope to see nothing right now,
I hope to feel nothing for sometime,
just wade through these calm waters
and move away from these memories in a slow blur.
All I want is an accepting calm seeping in
and become that anaesthesia that will steady me.

I do, I breathe in and I breathe out,
I do it slow and I do it deep,
but, I still feel the constricting pain 
and the uncomfortable lost feeling.
I am not a headless chicken,
dipped in low self-esteem batter.
But, I do have to remind myself,
how to behave and how to wait,
for time to work it's medicine.

for time to work...

The empty slate

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Sometimes you dont know what to say,
sometimes there are no listening ears,
sometimes there is just emptiness that you hope will end,
sometimes life leaves you an empty slate, 
fills you with pain and lets you draw your steps.

So should I mark them with blood,
or mark them with tears of hopelessness,
or should I draw and let my hand, my heart guide me,
Taking me to my place of dreams,
drawing them out and helping me build.
Maybe, this will light me up with some happiness!

This renewed relationship with myself

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Doesn’t matter that you are no longer there,

Doesn’t matter the path is a lonely stride,

Doesn’t matter I see everyone else together,

Doesn’t matter if you never come back

It’s the adventure I am craving!

And I want my rules and wins planned and staged.

I want the path wide open for me to walk the red carpet,

Can’t help being in love with a relationship with myself.

I want this chance to breathe my feelings,

Swim and dance through my days,

Breathe in new life, new hope,

Beautiful things that blossom around, pure and perfect.

Oh! help me find my mojo,

My crazy audacious self,

Drunk on happiness and life,

With dreams and desire for life.

Painting my new beginnings, soon…

I know i have passed the judgement, but, i have not accepted it yet. 
I know i have made up my mind to the futility of trying again, 
but, there is still no escape from the feelings of past made
I knew it wouldn’t be easy, I knew it would take time,
but, i still kept wishing it would disappear off,
maybe it has, temporarily, 
only to flash when i expect it the least,
only to break the frozen demeanour, showing me glimpses 
steering me to self-destruction, steering me to blinding moments of pain
the questions are still to come, still to torture me about the big plans made for me by somebody else
Who gave them the right, who gave them that insight
that they knew what was best for me
I know soon the pain will come and flow out
soon I will find my way, a little slowly, a little carefully
a little painfully, walking on shards of glass
broken dreams, shattered hopes
then I hope I will get there, where I can paint my new fortress 
that safe, comforting place with small assuring smiles
with dreams of possibilities of happiness
I can see me painting my new beginnings, soon…

I don’t, I don’t, I don’t….

I don’t want to feel, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t….

Saying it three times helps me believe, helps me strengthen the power of my words, magic I hope will come alive when I say again….

I don’t want to feel, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t… Make me numb, freeze my heart, or close the doors to this and other incidents …. Whatever may be the best… Or will you do as it pleases you… Make it more torturous, make me burn and then make me want another and then another and another … Till one day I have nothing left to give… Nothing coz I will loose all of me in your amusements..

the legacy of my ill-fated love…

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Oh shadows of my past, darkened from cries from me in my deepest darkest agony, steeled from tears burning down my cheeks, burning the insides, even the air around me, fed from memories of every moment spent in vain, every moment given away for pain, every moment loved to burn and burn…

Shadows of my past, fuel my anger, and I don’t want to let it go, and I don’t want it to weaken with time…. Let me ride to fortify and close my walls to every outsider, who will lie, who will weave webs of deceit, who will burn this time when he places his feet…. Any close to my walls, any near the land that my eyes can see… He will burn, I hope, he will feel and learn…. What I have gone through, the legacy of my ill-fated love…

What can I say…

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What can I say…
All bonds are tied when someone shares and some cares to trust… All binding bonds, involuntarily are forged when someone stretches out their hand to hold yours…
And then there are those, foes in disguise as friends, enemies to the heart who throw fishing nets, trapping some of us in false dreams, those who don’t care what mischief their actions lead, and stroll carelessly away leaving the bonded in ties made in love magic….
Why are bonds made sometimes of no choice, no mistake…. Why do bonds create themselves with the ones who don’t appreciate…

All we do is go round in circles, trapped in a never-ending maze till we answer the riddle, but, what if I answered, dint I just pass, or did I just upgraded myself to a higher difficulty level, but isn’t life simple, choices sometimes in black and white, so why despite calling itself fair, it still plays unfair?

guileless noodles twisted happily around romantic notions….

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why does music spin our heart into a guileless noodle, twisted all around romantic notions, seeking, craving, waiting to meet… this someone called love…. coins seem lucky, feet dance with noise around and smiles don’t leave you… coz it’s just someone called love with you… why are there notions of forevers and happy endings, why do words make me say “I Love You” when all I want is a happy day and happy days to come…. don’t leave…. wait and see…. sit with me… for there will be times when this love will have to go… maybe not in my imagination but from right next to me ….. to another someone who needs… so let the music spin my heart into guileless noodles, twisted happily around romantic notions…. as long as this love is here…..